The Pain Of Pleasure (And How It’s Costing You Your Potential)

Who was your biggest opp this year? And why was it you?

yikes, sorry I’m judging myself too hehe

As I sat in a perfectly set-up coffeehouse with some of the worst coffee I’ve ever tasted, I was planning for the new year and reflecting on the past year and let me tell you…my reflections left an even worse after-taste than the coffee did. I realized my pursuit of pleasure—my relentless desire to feel good and dodge pain—was the reason I fell short on some of my biggest goals. Not my circumstances. Not my emotions. Just me.

We’ve all been there. The moment we tell ourselves, “I deserve this break…this treat…this breather,” after doing the bare minimum. We sell ourselves short, thinking we’re finding balance, when in reality, we’re sabotaging ourselves. That little indulgence? It’s not just harmless fun—it’s costing you everything.

The hard truth is: you cannot live a purpose-driven life if you’re chasing pleasure.

Purpose demands pain—the kind of pain that strengthens you, refines you, and pushes you beyond what feels comfortable.

The truth hurts at first, but It also heals

Most of us run from the truth because it’s painful. It exposes the cracks in our foundation. But in reality, the truth only has power if you choose to believe it. The lies you’ve been telling yourself? They’re what’s holding you back.

• “I’m tired because I didn’t get enough sleep.” — No, you managed your time poorly

• “I’m stuck because of my circumstances.” — No, you’re stuck because you won’t make the hard and right moves

• “I’m unmotivated because life is hard right now.” — No, you’re avoiding the work required to grow

When we stop blaming everything and everyone around us, we’re left with one undeniable fact: the only thing standing in your way is you.

Your Truth: "What’s the one habit you know is holding you back right now”

Dopamine: The Silent Killer

Every time you indulge in those little dopamine hits—mindless phone pickups, late-night snacking, endless snoozing—you’re training your brain to crave more. And with every hit, your pain tolerance plummets. Suddenly, everyday life feels unbearable unless you’re chasing another fleeting high. It’s sneaky. You tell yourself, “It’s just a quick scroll,” or “I deserve this treat.” But those small decisions compound. They kill your creativity, dull your focus, and starve your willpower. Dopamine doesn’t just waste your time; it rewires your brain to crave shortcuts instead of solutions.

The tug-of-war between pleasure and progress

The deeper you sink into pleasure, the farther you drift from your potential. Pleasure is seductive. It whispers, “Just one more scroll… one more bite… one more snooze,” until you’ve wasted hours, days, years. And when you finally come up for air, you’re left wondering where all your time, energy, and ambition went. 

The worst part is that pleasure never satisfies. It’s a cheap thrill. A quick hit. It doesn’t fill the void; it just flows through. It doesn’t bring happiness; it distracts you from the discomfort of living below your potential.

Remember how I boldly chatting about my big diet overhaul? I was on my principled business… until I wasn’t. I fell off HARD. I didn’t just fail to stay on track—I delayed my own progress. Worse, I cushioned myself with excuses, soothing my bruised ego instead of facing the truth.

Fulfillment hits different though…

Fulfillment doesn’t feel like pleasure. Fulfillment feels like finishing the workout you didn’t want to start. It’s that rush of pride when you do what you said you would do. It’s tackling the overwhelming project and coming out stronger on the other side. And unlike pleasure, it lasts.

I look sad, but those are just my sleepy eyes

5 Steps to Escape the Trap of Pleasure

Step 1: Pause and Take Note

Take a moment to assess your daily habits. How many of your activities are externally stimulating, like scrolling your phone or playing something in the background, versus quiet, mundane tasks? How long can you work without picking up your phone or needing an external boost of enjoyment? This exercise isn’t about judgment—it’s about identifying your starting point.

When you pause to reflect, you might feel shame creeping in. Let it go. Instead, offer yourself grace and believe in your capacity for change. As long as you keep a growth mindset, you can uncover better versions of yourself in this lifetime. And remember: it’s not about how many times you fall—it’s about how many times you get back up. That’s what I remind myself every single day.

Step 2: Start Small

Whatever you nurture grows, and whatever you neglect will eventually fade. Once you recognize your habits and decide to be intentional about reducing them, you’ll notice just how challenging it can be. Breaking free from pleasure-driven routines feels like escaping an addiction—it’s hard but not impossible.

Focus on progress, not perfection. Start with small steps. Tackle tasks that are already somewhat enjoyable or require less external stimulation. Gradually increase the time you spend doing mundane activities. Over time, this builds your tolerance for boredom and strengthens your focus.

Step 3: Celebrate Your Wins

Habits stick where they’re celebrated. Be your own biggest cheerleader! You know your journey and what your progress means to you, so don’t shy away from acknowledging it.

While the ultimate goal is to find fulfillment in the habits themselves, positive reinforcement plays a critical role in the beginning. Overlooking your wins can lead to frustration, especially when you’re still building consistency. Celebrate in balance. For example, if you reward yourself with a treat after 1 hour of undistracted work, gradually increase that threshold. Next time, celebrate after 2 hours. This is how you build endurance and train your mind to thrive on long-term rewards.

Step 4: Prioritize ‘Becoming’ Over ‘Doing’

Too often, we focus on getting things done as quickly as possible, choosing the path of least resistance. But what if we valued who we became in the process more than the final outcome? What if we celebrated the mistakes, the discomfort, and the growth that came with the journey?

Fulfillment isn’t just about reaching a goal—it’s about what you endure and learn along the way. This doesn’t mean things have to be hard to matter; it means we need to apply ourselves with intention, growing stronger in the process. By focusing on becoming, you show up as an active participant in your life, fully engaged in the little moments. That’s where real joy and purpose are found—not in crossing tasks off a list, but in growing into a version of yourself you’re proud of.

Step 5: Humble Yourself and Find Accountability

I wasn’t going to include this step, but I couldn’t leave it out. Accountability is the strength you lean on when your willpower runs dry. It’s what keeps you steady when motivation wavers.

Willpower alone won’t sustain you long-term. Most disciplined people you admire rely on systems, not sheer determination. Systems create guardrails that minimize temptation and reduce opportunities for failure.

Find accountability in two forms: people and technology. Surround yourself with individuals you trust—people you can be vulnerable with, who will call you out when needed and cheer you on when you succeed. Pair this with tools or apps that create boundaries for you, like blocking distracting sites or limiting screen time. A foolproof accountability system isn’t a crutch; it’s a lifeline for staying consistent and committed.

What is pleasure costing you?

Take a moment. Think about one area of your life you’ve been avoiding—your health, your relationships, your goals.

Now ask yourself:

1. What has avoiding this cost me?

2. Where has it left me stuck?

3. How has it affected your trust in yourself?

Pleasure is sneaky, but it’s not invincible.

The moment you decide to trade it for progress, you’ve already won. Because at the end of the day: A purpose-driven life cannot be a pleasure-driven life.

My Dare

Take 5 minutes right now to write down one thing you’ve been avoiding. What’s the first step you can take today to address it?"

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You Know What Time It Is

RING THE ALARM

This is a wake-up call!

Wake up, wake up, wake up!!! You’ve been down for too long, and there’s no one to blame but yourself. You are not a victim of life. Life does not happen to you. You make the life you want happen for you. You are a co-creator of your life and destiny. All you need to do is make a choice today that you will do all you can within your control to take life by the horns.

Click, clack.

I’m typing this post with haste because there’s an urgency to this message. This is a mid-year PSA! If you are reading this…this is a reminder that you are where you are because of the decisions you’ve made. The outcomes of your life are a compilation of all the choices you've made up until this point. Point. Blank. Period.

For so long, I believed that much of life’s happenings are out of my control. The family you are born into, the talents you naturally have, the shape of your head — the list goes on and on. But here’s the thing—if you are reading this, you are not in that category of people who have absolutely no access to resources that could help them succeed in life. People with the worst of circumstances have made the best of their situations.

We all have experienced a glimmer of hope for a better life, but we lost the spark because we didn’t do the work to sustain it. We’ve all received information, knowledge, or advice that could have changed our lives—or at least our circumstances—if we had acted on it. But most times, we take those things for granted. We initially get excited and maybe apply it once or twice, but then we eventually lose it.

Case in point: June—August.

I had some health challenges over the past couple of weeks that had wrecked me in many ways. I had moments of relief when I listened to advice, but when I fell off, I found myself back on the ground. And now I’ve been prescribed to go on a gluten-free diet. Oh, and I’m also supposed to be sugar-free.

I promise I didn’t crave sugar until I attempted to be sugar-free.

Now all I think about is having something sweet. But I’m also fully aware of how my body feels after I have sugar. So now the ball is in my court. I can’t blame anyone if I’m unproductive; if I’m consuming food I know I shouldn’t be.

Now that I’ve put myself on blast, I’ll have to share my journey on this new diet with you all, ’cause why was I already on ChatGPT finding new recipes? It’s going to be challenging and more time-consuming, but it’s the work I have to do to sustain my energy and give my body what it demands of me.

Emotions Are So Overrated.

If you allow your emotions to dictate your moves, they will eventually overtake you. If you look to your emotions for advice on decisions you want to make, they will eventually take over your thinking process, and you’ll have no control over how your emotions decide to manifest themselves.

How often do you tell yourself no?
What boundaries do you have with yourself?
Who are you accountable to for the decisions you make?

The principles we keep are what keeps us adaptable to the curve balls life throws at us. If we don’t develop a principled life which eventually becomes the foundation of our decisions, we won’t be rooted in anything solid, and pretty much anything can shake our core. In every opportunity that life brings, there are new challenges that will require a higher level of resilience.

If you are still ruled by your emotions, you can never stand for long. Success demands that we are submitted to principles that govern the decisions we make. We see successful people as disciplined, but truly successful people aren’t just disciplined—they are principled. It’s their value system that drives them to make decisions.

You Can’t Escape Doing the Work.

Hope for a better tomorrow isn’t based on excitement or motivation. It lies in the practical change of doing something different that will yield a different result. You can’t escape doing the work for the change you want to see, so buckle down.

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Perfect Pace, Perfect Peace

Time is waiting for no one, there's lots of life happening to and around us.

Many of us are worn out not by our daily activities but mainly by the feeling that “there isn’t enough time” There isn’t enough time in the year to accomplish those goals you said you would achieve. There isn’t enough time in the day to get work done. There isn’t enough time to keep up with the all the demands and expectations that come with hustle culture.

What if you came to understand that time is actually within your control. As long as you can control your mind, you can control your time. When things feel out of control or we’ve “lost track of time” it’s because our minds have left the present moment and wandered beyond what we can control. Either the past or the future. 

Life Update.

This past month was an adventure to say the least. When I said there's more to come this wasn't at all what I had in mind. 

So this happened to my baby Myra B. Short for miracle

I was involved in a 3-vehicle accident with a drunk driver that totalled my baby :( The lad that rear ended me was going through his own issues but I happened to be a victim of his own reckless decisions.

But that's exactly how life is. There are seemingly more variables that are out of control than what is within our control. There are many things that happen to us that we simply cannot control. Many things we can’t predict or prepare for. Many problematic people that interact with us to disrupt our pursuits in life.

As long as we keep our minds focused on the possibilities of those kinds of incidents, we live a life void of peace. And when those things do happen, the longer you keep your mind fixated on it, the further your mind strays from the present moment and the good that you currently have. The more you imagine bad possibilities (things that haven’t happened yet), the worse your currently reality becomes. 

Pressure shouldn’t shake your peace.

After the incident, I was acutely aware of the gift of life. When you see death face to face, nothing else matters. All you’ve been pursuing and striving for are insignificant. I remained in a place of gratitude for the precious life I get to live. I knew that I hadn’t lost anything. Yes, the brand new car that I had only driven for 4 months was totalled but I stepped out of that incident with only a few bruises. As long as I have life, I have everything I need.

As the days went by, I became disillusioned that I was losing momentum in the progress I had made in maintaining a healthy mind. Issues began to creep in because I had left a window open in my mind that shifted my focus from all the blessings of the situation. I started having a victim mentality. Not even about the accident but about life. I began to shrink my capacity to handle situations in comparison to the responsibilities and goals I was pursuing. I didn’t believe that I was capable of keeping up with life’s demands.

Until I understood that, I am in fact in control. The reality is that I am bigger than my problems. Everything I’ve been working on building didn’t crash (no pun intended) when the accident happened. It was a test of the strength I’ve built. It was an indication of my ability to handle bigger problems than I ever could in the past. It dawned on me that the version of myself prior to last year would have crumbled under the weight of a situation like this. But this refined version could accurately assess the situation and find the positives.

What is peace?

Peace is intentional focus on the things within your control. It is contentment with your daily decisions. Peace kickstarts the engine of your mind to take the right actions at the right time. When you have brain fog, your mind isn’t at peace. 

Let me take it a step further and describe peace as living life on your own terms. When I heard someone describe that as success, those word’s stuck with me. And I would say that peace is a byproduct of success. When your peace is shaken, feelings of failure are most likely knocking at the door of heart.

There is no price you can put on peace. It is a treasure. Therefore, it stays hidden. Not hidden by anyone but herself. She hides herself, and desires to be searched out. On the daily. You need to find where she’s at in every situation. 

Trust the timing of your life.

One thing that tries to stress me in this season is the pace that time is moving and I can’t keep up. I find myself saying things like “omg I have so much to do” but because I keep my mind on all the things I haven’t done and are waiting for me, i don’t get much accomplished because my mind can’t even find where to start. 

On a larger scale, I know where I want to be in life and how much I want to impact the world around me and I’ve tried to hasten the process of getting to that potential version of myself, but trying to put express shipping on the version of myself hasn’t delivered anything. I still struggle with things I believe I should have grown out of awhile ago. I still stress about things when I know that worry gets me know where. I still do immature things that I’ve been taught lessons before. There are still things I am limited by that I thought would have been beneath me by now.

But this is all part of the journey. I’ve had to leave the destination mentality behind in terms of rushing to actualize the potential I know is within me and enjoy the process of getting there. Perhaps, there is more I need to learn in the process that will expand the impact of the destination.

We want all want better for ourselves. We want to achieve great things. And we will. But while you wait to see the manifestations of your dreams, while you wait for the realization of your potential, while you wait to experience life on the other side of depression, while you wait to figure out your purpose and what you were put on this earth to do, while you wait to gain the stamina you need to balance all of life’s demands…trust the timing of your life.

Keep your mind on the gift of your present circumstances and remain expectant for what is to come. You are in the exact place you need to be in life right now. Not delayed, not ahead. But in the perfect place. It’s perfect because there are hidden gems in the position you are in that will serve you in your next season

Where is your good life?

We typically analyze the state of our lives through the lens of quality of life we are experiencing. How heavy the moneybag is (#laughingtothebank), the accolades we receive, the position we hold. But what if we choose to view life through the lens of how far we have come?

The human anatomy has a natural ability for resilience. There are many diseases, infections, germs in the atmosphere that we take in everyday. Yet we sleep and wake up everyday. To live every single day takes a level of resilience. You are more than you think.

What are you wishing for that will convince you that your life is good? Whatever it is, is exactly what is keeping your peace buried.

Your monthly reminder to #dealwithtrauma.

After running from it for many years, I finally pulled the trigger and decided to work through the things that that kept my mind on past pains. I wish I could explain what that release felt like. Trauma is a weight that keeps the good in life buried in a heap of pain. Your interpretation of situation will always be distorted as long as you are traumatized. It’s almost like wearing the wrong prescription glasses. Your sight will be impaired and you won’t see things as they are in reality. 

Not all traumatic events, have to leave you traumatized. Having control over your thoughts, allows you to reframe situations that may try to steal your peace. When you are in control, you can look outside of the problem to find a solution.

One of my favourite affirmations now is “where there are 99 problems, I am the 1 solution.” And I believe this wholeheartedly. 

that's the stress free zone glow

You are empowered to live a peaceful life. For people that meditate, they intentionally lose track of time and allow their minds to wander in a controlled manner. They can start with gratitude for things within their control but then they also think about things have either happened to them that they couldn’t control or things are yet to happen in the future. This practice empowers people to take back control of things that aren’t currently happening.

If you find yourself in the rat race and frantically padding your feet to stay above water, take a moment to pause. Remove your mind from the past or the future. If you haven’t yet try meditation, start here

Worry and stress does nothing but keep you stuck. Stuck in what you cannot control. I fought to keep my peace and keep moving forward and just like that I have a brand new car and a brand new mindset that I have gained from this experience. 

Search for what is in your control. Look for something that can anchor you in the present moment. You are not a victim of life. You are powerful and you have everything it takes to overcome challenges everyday.

Me whipping around these streets, sipping my juice, and enjoying my life.

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Plug Into Your Life Sources (Life-Givers)

The are energy givers and there are energy drainers — do you know what yours are?

I find that many of us just go through life without understanding what makes things work for us or what is hindering our progress, and honestly you can’t blame us. Our lives are over-saturated with noise and distractions so it’s difficult to be attentive to what is going on internally.

I have noticed that, in my case, that there are days that I feel exceptionally energized to get things done, while other days I can barely get out of bed. I only just realized that this isn’t normal. We are actually designed to be consistently inspired and empowered to create the life we desire.

How do you know you are disconnected from your life source?

Hopelessness

“What's the point? None of this matters anyways.”
That's what this feeling sounds like. When you are without a reason to keep going, just know that you have been drained of energy. Maybe you've been mindlessly scrolling, not realizing how you’ve been unconsciously comparing your life to what you’re seeing.

Confusion

This one is a bit difficult to put into words. I think the best way I can explain it is to compare it to the same feeling you get when you've been spinning in circles and feel dizzy. This is what a lot of people refer to as “brain fog.”

Baby, your mind is just cluttered. It's in many places at the same time. It's thinking about everything, everywhere, all at once, which can be physically and mentally draining. This is usually also linked to feelings of worry and anxiety.

Isolation (Physical/Mental)

This is when you can't stand to be physically around people or communicate with others. You might even want to talk, but the words just feel heavy. You may have gone so far in isolating your feelings from people (aka withdrawing yourself and your emotions), that you don't even know how to begin offloading the heavy burden of all the emotions you have become so comfortable keeping to yourself. Isolation can be extremely draining because you are often carrying a load beyond your capacity.

Weakness (Physical/Emotional)

This is extensive fatigue, otherwise knows as: burnout. One of the earliest signs of burnout is physical exhaustion — many of us have become accustomed to living while burnt out, so most of the time we don't even notice that it's abnormal.

Emotional pileup takes a toll on your body. If you don't give the emotions an outlet to be diffused through, your body and brain take the blow.

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How to identify what gives you life:

Note how you feel after interacting with certain people.

Your feelings don’t always lie to you. Sometimes they do, but not all the time. There are some smiles I see that literally light up my day. Some hugs are a reminder to your body that it’s in a safe place. It's important to take note of who those people are because, one day, they'll be your lifeline when you are (figuratively) flatlining. 

Note your productivity pattern.

When are you most productive and focused? That's when your mind is energized and has the capacity to get things done. What in that moment stands out to you? Is it your environment? Is it the time of day? Is it what you are working on? Those are possible life givers.

Note what inspires you to do more.

What external or internal motivations help you to push through when you want to give up? Basically, what's something you look forward to doing or getting. This could be a sweet treat, it could be a date night, it could be an iced out watch. Whatever gingers you and gets you excited, that's a life giver!

More to Come

Very soon I’ll talk about how to immediately identify when your energy has been drained and what caused it. Still working through that one…

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