Behold Until You Become

Mirroring a successful figure.

The power of mentorship is so extremely underrated. I think we may have lost sight of the value of having proximity and access to someone that can guide you on a consistent basis, and the impact this can have on you achieving your version of success.

We can blame the false sense of access that social media has given us to people that inspire us.

Enter Stage Left: Parasocial Relationships

These are categorically the situationships of non-romantic relationships. We typically have these relationships with influencers or public figures that we feel connected to, who inspire us in one way or another. Our connection with them stems from an aspect of their lives they freely and sometimes vulnerably share with us.

The problem is: we are disillusioned about the dynamic of the relationship we have with them. We think we know them, their daily struggles, and the entirety of their story — we don’t, and more importantly, they don’t know us. So, we take from the little they share with us that resonates with our experience and we attempt to apply it to our lives.

Now, I’m not saying its all bad — there’s definitely a time and place to learn from these figures, but life throws many curve balls on a daily basis, and a deep level of intimacy with a mentor is necessary to maximize the impact they on your life.

The Good Mentor

This is someone who doesn’t want to make you like them. They are committed to moulding you into who you were made to be. There some key principles to consider in this context:

Have a mentor that is living the life you inspire to live.

Disclaimer: not everyone that inspires you should be a mentor.

There must be an aspect of their life that you wish to attain to at some point. Remember, these are not your peers. It’s possible for your mates to inspire you, but, ultimately, y'all are still battling with the same things. A mentor should have already walked paths you are yet to encounter. They should have fought and won battles you are currently facing, or know you will face at some point in your life journey.

Have different mentors for different things.

We are multidimensional beings and have different aspects of our life that require attention. This is why having different mentors for the various aspects of your life can be very beneficial. Certain people have mastered aspects of life that are tied to your purpose — this is where you need to draw strength and wisdom from.

Having clear boundaries of what each mentor can advice me on is the approach I take to balancing the information I receive. When you’re recieving information from different sources, it may be contradictory sometimes. If you don’t have a clear understanding of the specific aspect of life a mentor is advising you in, you will get tempted to do other things they do that don’t concern you. This will lead to a confused life.

A willingness to be vulnerable.

Has your mentor opened up to you? This is such an underrated aspect of mentorship because we often focus on the results someone has achieved, rather than the process they went through to achieve those results.

One of the main goals of mentorship is to share their failures with you so you don't make the same mistakes. If someone isn't willing to share, at least to some extent, where they have tripped up, they aren't a “serious candidate.”

Value of mentorship

The value of mentorship is immeasurable — seriously! A good mentor will provide you these benefits and many more:

Correction (mirror to you).

They don't just put a mirror in front of you to show you who you are — they stand in front of the mirror with you to show you what they are seeing until you can see it for yourself.

Direction (mirror from you).

They reflect a mirror into the future based on what they see within you. This one you may not be able to see for yourself, but with the direction you receive from them, you can paint a picture of what is possible for you.

Inspiration (mirror for you).

This might be the most important one. They live a life that is worth imitating. You will find yourself in situations beyond your intellectual or emotional capacity, and all you can do is do what you have seen them do, or imagine what they would do if they were in your shoes.

This is the point at which you start to think like them. You will even give advice to the people you mentor in the same way you were given — all this happening while still maintaining your individuality and personality. Basically, you just project the wisdom that you've received in your own unique way.

to be continued

I can go on and on about this topic but I'll stop here. Look out for a second part of this topic where I'll talk about how my life has changed solely because of mentorship and what it took to establish a relationship with my mentor.

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