The Pain Of Pleasure (And How It’s Costing You Your Potential)

Who was your biggest opp this year? And why was it you?

yikes, sorry I’m judging myself too hehe

As I sat in a perfectly set-up coffeehouse with some of the worst coffee I’ve ever tasted, I was planning for the new year and reflecting on the past year and let me tell you…my reflections left an even worse after-taste than the coffee did. I realized my pursuit of pleasure—my relentless desire to feel good and dodge pain—was the reason I fell short on some of my biggest goals. Not my circumstances. Not my emotions. Just me.

We’ve all been there. The moment we tell ourselves, “I deserve this break…this treat…this breather,” after doing the bare minimum. We sell ourselves short, thinking we’re finding balance, when in reality, we’re sabotaging ourselves. That little indulgence? It’s not just harmless fun—it’s costing you everything.

The hard truth is: you cannot live a purpose-driven life if you’re chasing pleasure.

Purpose demands pain—the kind of pain that strengthens you, refines you, and pushes you beyond what feels comfortable.

The truth hurts at first, but It also heals

Most of us run from the truth because it’s painful. It exposes the cracks in our foundation. But in reality, the truth only has power if you choose to believe it. The lies you’ve been telling yourself? They’re what’s holding you back.

“I’m tired because I didn’t get enough sleep.” — No, you managed your time poorly
“I’m stuck because of my circumstances.” — No, you’re stuck because you won’t make the hard and right moves
“I’m unmotivated because life is hard right now.” — No, you’re avoiding the work required to grow

When we stop blaming everything and everyone around us, we’re left with one undeniable fact: the only thing standing in your way is you.

Your Truth: "What’s the one habit you know is holding you back right now”

Dopamine: The Silent Killer

Every time you indulge in those little dopamine hits—mindless phone pickups, late-night snacking, endless snoozing—you’re training your brain to crave more. And with every hit, your pain tolerance plummets. Suddenly, everyday life feels unbearable unless you’re chasing another fleeting high. It’s sneaky. You tell yourself, “It’s just a quick scroll,” or “I deserve this treat.” But those small decisions compound. They kill your creativity, dull your focus, and starve your willpower. Dopamine doesn’t just waste your time; it rewires your brain to crave shortcuts instead of solutions.

The tug-of-war between pleasure and progress

The deeper you sink into pleasure, the farther you drift from your potential. Pleasure is seductive. It whispers, “Just one more scroll… one more bite… one more snooze,” until you’ve wasted hours, days, years. And when you finally come up for air, you’re left wondering where all your time, energy, and ambition went.

The worst part is that pleasure never satisfies. It’s a cheap thrill. A quick hit. It doesn’t fill the void; it just flows through. It doesn’t bring happiness; it distracts you from the discomfort of living below your potential.

Remember how I boldly chatting about my big diet overhaul? I was on my principled business… until I wasn’t. I fell off HARD. I didn’t just fail to stay on track—I delayed my own progress. Worse, I cushioned myself with excuses, soothing my bruised ego instead of facing the truth.

Fulfillment hits different though…

Fulfillment doesn’t feel like pleasure. Fulfillment feels like finishing the workout you didn’t want to start. It’s that rush of pride when you do what you said you would do. It’s tackling the overwhelming project and coming out stronger on the other side. And unlike pleasure, it lasts.

I look sad, but those are just my sleepy eyes

5 Steps to Escape the Trap of Pleasure

Step 1: Pause and Take Note

Take a moment to assess your daily habits. How many of your activities are externally stimulating, like scrolling your phone or playing something in the background, versus quiet, mundane tasks? How long can you work without picking up your phone or needing an external boost of enjoyment? This exercise isn’t about judgment—it’s about identifying your starting point.

When you pause to reflect, you might feel shame creeping in. Let it go. Instead, offer yourself grace and believe in your capacity for change. As long as you keep a growth mindset, you can uncover better versions of yourself in this lifetime. And remember: it’s not about how many times you fall—it’s about how many times you get back up. That’s what I remind myself every single day.

Step 2: Start Small

Whatever you nurture grows, and whatever you neglect will eventually fade. Once you recognize your habits and decide to be intentional about reducing them, you’ll notice just how challenging it can be. Breaking free from pleasure-driven routines feels like escaping an addiction—it’s hard but not impossible.

Focus on progress, not perfection. Start with small steps. Tackle tasks that are already somewhat enjoyable or require less external stimulation. Gradually increase the time you spend doing mundane activities. Over time, this builds your tolerance for boredom and strengthens your focus.

Step 3: Celebrate Your Wins

Habits stick where they’re celebrated. Be your own biggest cheerleader! You know your journey and what your progress means to you, so don’t shy away from acknowledging it.

While the ultimate goal is to find fulfillment in the habits themselves, positive reinforcement plays a critical role in the beginning. Overlooking your wins can lead to frustration, especially when you’re still building consistency. Celebrate in balance. For example, if you reward yourself with a treat after 1 hour of undistracted work, gradually increase that threshold. Next time, celebrate after 2 hours. This is how you build endurance and train your mind to thrive on long-term rewards.

Step 4: Prioritize ‘Becoming’ Over ‘Doing’

Too often, we focus on getting things done as quickly as possible, choosing the path of least resistance. But what if we valued who we became in the process more than the final outcome? What if we celebrated the mistakes, the discomfort, and the growth that came with the journey?

Fulfillment isn’t just about reaching a goal—it’s about what you endure and learn along the way. This doesn’t mean things have to be hard to matter; it means we need to apply ourselves with intention, growing stronger in the process. By focusing on becoming, you show up as an active participant in your life, fully engaged in the little moments. That’s where real joy and purpose are found—not in crossing tasks off a list, but in growing into a version of yourself you’re proud of.

Step 5: Humble Yourself and Find Accountability

I wasn’t going to include this step, but I couldn’t leave it out. Accountability is the strength you lean on when your willpower runs dry. It’s what keeps you steady when motivation wavers.

Willpower alone won’t sustain you long-term. Most disciplined people you admire rely on systems, not sheer determination. Systems create guardrails that minimize temptation and reduce opportunities for failure.

Find accountability in two forms: people and technology. Surround yourself with individuals you trust—people you can be vulnerable with, who will call you out when needed and cheer you on when you succeed. Pair this with tools or apps that create boundaries for you, like blocking distracting sites or limiting screen time. A foolproof accountability system isn’t a crutch; it’s a lifeline for staying consistent and committed.

What is pleasure costing you?

Take a moment. Think about one area of your life you’ve been avoiding—your health, your relationships, your goals.

Now ask yourself:

What has avoiding this cost me?
Where has it left me stuck?
How has it affected your trust in yourself?

Pleasure is sneaky, but it’s not invincible.

The moment you decide to trade it for progress, you’ve already won. Because at the end of the day: A purpose-driven life cannot be a pleasure-driven life.