Out Of Hiding

In my undoing era.

I know, I know — its been too long since we chatted. How are we already in the fourth month of the year??? 

So I abandoned you guys without saying anything. Please forgive me. I would like apologize in Yoruba to express how sorry I am...if I could actually speak the language…

It feels so good to be back writing though, I’ve missed this!

I'm actually owing somebody's son money because I dropped the ball with what I was accountable for. I made many attempts to come back but I couldn’t find the words. I had a whole posting schedule and it was laughing at me while looking at the state I’ve been in.

I've been fighting for my life bro. I’m also realizing that in a way, I think we all are, and we can agree that life can be so GHETTO. When I started making my writing public, I didn’t have a 9-5 commitment so I had less responsibilities, and lots of time to recharge and to be creative. I was in a season of waiting and expectation for what was to come.

I guess I’m being vulnerable?

Starting off this year with a new job (I’m officially a corporate girlie!) was both exciting and overwhelming. I love, love, love what I do at work and I enjoy being in a space that stretches my capacity, but my new job marked the beginning of a period of my life that I wasn't expecting to be so intense (in every sense of the word). While I show up as this mature, fully functioning adult woman at work, behind the scenes, I have been in a season of undoing, where I'm being torn up from the inside out. 

Honestly if there's one thing that saved me it was planning for my year ahead of time. Doing this helped me know exactly what season I was entering into before it happened. So, when I saw the signs I knew what time it was. It's time to reach into parts of me that are stuck in the past and restricting my future self from manifesting in her full state.

I made massive leaps last year. I mean massive. Especially in self-confidence. I was in such a good space mentally, and emotionally. But, somehow, I entered this year feeling empty. I didn’t know what was going on.

“How can I make so much progress and still feel numb inside. Then what's the point of anything? What am I actually doing this for? In fact I don't want any of it anymore.” This was the signal that the work I started last year wasn’t finished yet. In fact, I had only just scraped the surface of the matter.

Stop running.

Over the past few years I’ve had more than enough opportunities to go through the season of healing that I’m in right now, but I avoided it out of fear. Instead, I used different vices to get me through the pain without actually feeling the feelings (if that makes sense) and dealing with what I was trying to avoid. In January I actually fully checked out emotionally because who could have possibly expected me to function at work while dealing with this? So, I dissociated from EVERYTHING. Unfortunately for me, this decision coincided with the point in my life at which I no longer have the strength to keep running from pain. It's do or die now. 

I realized that many aspects of my life (vision, relationships, sense of authenticity) will die/remain dead until I stop hiding from the truth about what has led me to the point I am now. We can all reach a point where we become a danger to others and to ourselves, unless we decide to fix up. And if we choose not to, circumstances will push you into a corner until we no longer have a choice, unless we want to remain in a dark place.

Pause to heal

So — lots of healing, lots of feelings, lots and lots of tears. That’s what my days have been like. Sometimes, for no reason whatsoever. I be looking at myself like, “Girl, what are you crying about now?” And I honestly don’t know, it just hurts. I now understand that I'm grieving a lot of pain from the past. 

In ths process I’ve been untying knots that have weaved fear around my neck, and it chokes me when I try to speak. I'm breaking down walls that keep me from loving wholeheartedly. I'm shattering lies that have shaped parts of me that aren't true to the integrity of my character. I'm healing wounds that may look like scars but are still deep, open cuts that are susceptible to more infection. Many things that aren’t necessarily bad at their core but distract me from being present have been removed. I’m in a place where I’m forced to recognize my emotions and take it a step further to actually handle and regulate them. 

You may feel like you have to hide parts of yourself from the world, and that's wise — it's not everything that you should share. But, at the very least, don't hide from yourself. Give yourself the space and time to feel. To be present with your emotions. To process life that has happened to you. To be honest with the life that is occurring around you. To think about what moving forward really looks like for you.

Where is your inner child stuck? 

It's not about career wins. Getting the bag. Securing a foine man (or woman). Real progress is the inner work we do. As cliche as it sounds, we can only go as far as our inner child will allow us to. That’s the real indication of our growth potential. That’s where our limitations lie. You’ll know where they (your inner child) are stuck by realizing the areas of your life where you know better but don’t have the will to do better. Areas of your life where you feel like you don’t have control over how you think, feel, or behave. At that point, we don’t realize we are barely functioning as we are designed to. 

Do you know that you’re naturally built to have control over your thoughts? As in, if you don’t want to think about something, you should be able to stop the thought immediately when you decide. Or, if you want to focus your mind on something for hours on end, naturally, you have the mental strength to control your focus. Most of us are far removed from our natural identity, morphing into a character that is unrecognizable by your true self.

What brings me hope is that there are ways to reform your nature back to its original design. We are malleable beings. I’ll talk about what I’ve been doing to help me get through this phase of my journey in another post. Till then, a resource that I have to give a 10000/10 rating has to be meditation. Since I started taking meditation seriously, while using the Hour Of Meditation, I’ve seen some crazy changes in my cognitive abilities and emotional stability. 

The balancing act.

Even though I'm showing up as a grown woman in many spaces, the little girl in me is getting the attention she has been crying for since she was born. There are parts of us that need intentional time carved out. There are parts of you that are still hidden within you that don't yet feel safe to come out to the surface. Those are the parts of us that are most sacred. Those are the parts that have given us the strength we needed till this point. Those parts of us deserve to be nurtured by our time. Pursuing the dreams that you never thought were possible that your inner child is so proud of. Addressing the wounds that she endured. 

There's nothing good about appearing strong when you’re broken on the inside. It's so much more fulfilling to be vulnerable and experience feelings of weakness but actually be whole. So when I say I'm proud of the woman I am, I mean every bit of it. I know what it’s taken to keep moving forward without ignoring the past. 

If you pity me, I pity you.

I can’t lie, I didn’t plan to talk about this so soon, especially since I’m still in the process. I would’ve given it a couple years, at least. Why would I come on the internet to say I’m crying at my big age??? But I think I'm able to because I am so confident in the outcome while I'm still undergoing the process. 

I'm sharing this for someone that needs to hear that somebody else doesn't have it all together. Adulting and having all these responsibilities doesn't mean you have to act like you've got everything figured out. I think (actually, I know) a lot of people think I have my life all the way together and I'll be the first one to tell you — I DON’T.

I don't even know where I’m going, I just know how far and high I’m going. My whole purpose is to share as much as I can about the journey that I'm on, hoping that it encourages all of you as you figure yours out too. 

I have lots of exciting things coming down the pipeline so stay suited and booted, i promise it'll be a fun ride. This isn't comfy AT ALL, so make sure you show your girl some love in the comments if anything I shared resonates with you.

Till next month,
Your *favourite* corporate (healing) baddie <3

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It’s Time For Something New

Let’s get excited.

Yes, we are creatures of habit. Yes, good habits can lead to incremental wins on the way to achieving your big goals. There’s a place for habits, but, our habits aren’t always helpful in determining how we behave, they can easily get boring and redundant. As much as I love a good morning routine, what helps me get out of bed to actually get going with my day is the anticipation of experiencing someone exciting in that day. Contrary to popular belief, it is actually possible to create the right conditions that help us act how we want to. 

Excitement has been defined as physiological arousal. Think about how you feel when you see good eye candy or that somebody that you’ve been eyeing. Your entire body experiences an awakening that’s not typical. When you get a new job, you aren't dragging your feet on the first day, dreading your entire existence. Even if it's not a job that's exciting for you, the anticipation of experiencing a new role and being a different environment is what your mind is fixated on. When you got that new car, your first thought wasn’t worrying about the bills, most likely you were thinking about who you would show first, whipping around the streets, what music you'll play, and all the places you would go.

Even though everything else is the same, exciting life events suddenly inject a fresh zeal to do what you were doing before, and once that experience no longer feels fresh or new it becomes an ordinary part of our life (read: habit).

Make things happen.

Your life is what you make of it. Life doesn't just happen to us, we make life happen. If you live everyday with the expectation to feel exactly the same, then I'm not speaking to you. But if you are anything like me, you want to wake up everyday feeling excited about what’s to come.

There’s something new in everyday. You just need to find it or create it. In fact, on the topic of habits, it’s the newness we experience that sparks the creativity and motivation we need to create healthy habits and engage in them consistently. That creativity enables you to shift your focus from the boredom of mundane tasks to creating a sense novelty to everyday life activities. 

Romanticize your life.

Music

Evoke emotions and memories that you can connect to different experiences. 

Curating unique playlists for different moods and activities is a great life hack. It allows you to evoke certain emotions that may not naturally flow while in silence. It also makes you feel like the main character cuz it'll feel like you have a literal soundtrack to your life, like it's a movie.

Food

Nothing beats that first bite feeling.

I recently did a three-day fast, and tbh, the fasting part wasn’t all that bad after the first day. But, by the second day I realized how boring life is without food. I’m so sorry, but eating really is an experience. It’s something to look forward to. I usually wind down after a long day with a good plate of food and some YT videos or at least some scrolling, but the night of the first day of my fast I literally plugged my phone in across the room. What’s the point when there’s nothing to munch on?

Pleasurable Things

Money can't buy you happiness, but it sure can buy a little excitement!

Who are we kidding, we all love nice things. Nice things elevate our experience of life. They give us something to fixate on and appreciate, even if for a short-while. It's called retail therapy because it literally shifts our focus from sad things to happy things. It's as simple as that!

Challenges

They make your life more colourful!

Problem solving keeps us on our toes. Problems present us with an opportunity to overcome something unexpected and the end result of that is a feeling of accomplishment. Even though the experience in itself is not pleasurable, it sure is different and gets our blood pumping. Challenges, when met with a strong willed spirit, strengthen our resolve to keep pushing beyond the present moment. They thicken the plot and give you a story to tell! 

Learning

Open up a new dimension of possibilities.

Learning can be so exciting! You get to know about things you never knew before and you gain a new perspective on life and on what is possible. This is why I love learning about Jesus, there's so much to Him that I can find in myself which opens up my mind beyond the limitations I may have placed on myself. It gives me hope that my present (when not ideal) won't last forever if I don't want it to. New knowledge empowers us to keep striving for a better future because there is more to life than the now!

Love

Experience a new depth of relationship.

Something about love, especially with the people we feel it the deepest with, makes it feel like you are experiencing a new part of them. Love changes everything! The way you feel, the way you think. Love is literally so energizing, like electricity running through your veins. It infuses a longing for more out of life. Love feels brand new every time. That’s why you need to romanticize your life!

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Spend Time With Your Vision

Purpose brings you to life, vision keeps you alive.

I think of vision(s) as the different assignments you’re responsible for in each of the different seasons of your life. Every assignment will lead you to achieving the greater mission of your life: your purpose. The different visions you have throughout your lifetime are the puzzle pieces that form into your purpose.

For the sake of making this post as clear as possible, from here on I'll be referring to vision in the singular sense (you can insert one of your current assignments and treat it like a case study).

Intimacy with the vision.

A vision is dynamic, or at least it should be. If you were to look at it like any good relationship, you'll realize that your vision has it’s own identity and you need to get to know its persona, in the present and over time.

There are many faces that your vision takes on, and each will look different through the different seasons of your life. It's important that you know your vision inside-out, front and back, up and down, side to side. Know it like the back of your hand! The more you know about your vision, the longer your connection to it will last.

Caring for the vision.

Vision can be one major assignment that represents the reason for your existence. Alternatively, vision can be limited to just the next year, two years, or five years. 

Either way, it is absolutely critical that you:

Spend time with it.

You need to visualize what the vision looks like, and that includes knowing who will be impacted by it, what sacrifices will you have to make, and who will be involved in actualizing the vision.

There's no way I'm revealing a guy’s face on IG on the first date. Y'all won't even know I am dating anyone until we are engaged, maybe even married. That's the energy you need to have with your vision.

You need to be really solid with it before you soft launch it to the world. 

Write your vision and make it plain.

Keeping it as thoughts in your head isn't nearly enough to feel connected to it. It needs to become tangible before it manifests into reality. 

If you loved someone but only spent time thinking about how much you loved them, and never actually told them, that wouldn’t be real love. That's cognitive dissonance lol. You need to pen down everything you have visualized to help make it clearer to you and anyone you choose to share it with. 

Protect it at all costs.

Your vision will become a significant asset to your identity, so best believe that life will test it. There will be many situations that cause you to doubt it and push you to the point of giving up but it is your lifeline. It is critical that you guard it from opinion, trends, and norms.

Some people may know I'm in a relationship (I’m not), but that doesn't mean I welcome or care for their opinion. Even if they tried to share their thoughts, I wouldn't take it to heart and I would respectfully shut them down so they know not to share it again. 

It takes a certain level of ruthlessness to sustain a vision. Don't be afraid to do what it takes to protect it. 

Walk in it with confidence.

Don't be afraid to live out your vision once it is solidified. Imagine being in a relationship for three years and not a single soul knows. That's suspicious, and I would suspect that you are ashamed of your partner. 

See your vision the same way. Feel free to fully live it out passionately and obsessively. 

Evidence of Life

Your vision is your proof of life, so it needs to be evident in your time, speech, and actions. 

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It’s Time To Come Alive

Hand on heart, I just started living my life this year.

Before I woke up to the true essence of living, life had been happening to and around me. For so long, I've been fascinated by the concept of purpose, both for myself and people that I’ve chatted with. However, I battled figuring out how to live with purpose on a daily basis.

From my understanding, purpose and productivity are two sides of the same coin.

Productivity

It's become such a taboo word, which is understandable because capitalism has us in a choke hold. Nonetheless, I view productivity from a value standpoint. Productivity isn't about being busy or having things to do that you can tick off your to-do list throughout the day. Productivity is in the impact that I am having in the area of my calling. That sounds very intense but it's actually quite simple. 

Purpose

It’s your reason for being; it’s IKIGAI!

1. Do you have an area you are passionate about?

2. Do you know what you are good at?

3. Do you know what the world needs?

4. Do you know what you can get paid for?

The Ikigai framework. Save this and fill it out for yourself.

Do you know who you are called to serve? Are you focusing on that area of calling?

Don't be discouraged if you don't have the answers to all these questions. In fact, if you have no answers, that's perfectly fine! Now you have a reason to search yourself out! Take some time with yourself and observe your interests! Step out of your regular routine and try new things! 

You can also study what you currently have going on at work or in extracurricular activities. There's a chance that there are some aspects of your life that you may need to consider focusing more on. I am a strong believer in using every opportunity to develop transferrable skills you need for your area of calling. It could be communication, people management, even discipline. Every opportunity can produce a seed that needs to be planted when the time comes for you to blossom in your destiny.

As the year winds down and you begin to plan for the upcoming year, I encourage you to take some time out to ponder on these questions. Living an intentional life is easily achievable. It simply requires you to seek out purpose and aim to align your daily priorities with that which you are here on earth to achieve.

Timecheck

It may take you some time but it is well worth it.

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